If Starbucks randomly closed and gave you no notification of if they would be open on your way to work? If you experienced a new construction project every day on your drive to work? Now imagine what it would be like if those things that you did to bring some sanity to your life were constantly interrupted? There are so many things that we all do on a daily basis that are related to our own pre-wiring…things we don’t even recognize until we take a moment to stop and think. Your boss starts the meeting 15 minutes early and now you’re late walking into the meeting? You were likely forced to do it as a kid, and now as a parent you may have fallen into that same pattern.īut I urge you to think for just a few moments about your own pre-wiring and the ways in which you view the world or try to control it to make your life more fulfilling, happy or even just bearable.ĭo you have a specific morning routine that allows you to get to work on time and feel less stress related to your work? How do you react when someone throws a wrench into your routine? You’ve been told most of your life that adults are in charge and kids need to fit into their world. You may be struggling with this, because the idea has been ingrained in you for years. While the desire to help children to face the true reality of disappointments in the world is a positive thing that helps prepare kids for the future, it may be something that we as adults do too often, because we forget that it’s OK for all of us to be different. Our first instinct as adults is to say something like, “But she has to learn… she can’t always be in control!” We want to expect the child to change her pre-wiring because it doesn’t fit with our own, or our expectations for how children should act. Why Does the SWC Personality Bother Us So Much? But when she is asked to look at the situation differently, in a way that doesn’t fit with her pre-wiring, she has a difficult time with this, and you start to notice misbehavior and power struggles. Just like you, she does fine when allowed to view the world and respond to it in her own way. Your child - just like you - has her own way of looking at and learning from the world. (Despite the fact that plenty of people have probably made suggestions - or should I say accusations - to the contrary.)Īccording to one of my favorite books on the topic of strong-willed children, You Can’t Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded), your child was pre-wired to be strong-willed, just as she was pre-wired to have brown hair, green eyes, and that cute little smile that melts your heart (no matter how many arguments you have with her).
You did not cause your child to develop this personality through some deficit in your parenting abilities.
The Origin of Strong-Willed Childrenįor one reason or another - maybe it’s your genetics, maybe it’s your spouse’s, or maybe you just won the strong-willed child lottery - your child was born with the innate ability to argue and negotiate almost every piece of information that is presented to him (which often times looks like disrespect or misbehavior).
#DOITNOW SWC HOW TO#
To be the positive parent you’ve always wanted to be, get our FREE mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent. You may frequently wonder, why does a simple request such as, “Please stop that” have to turn into such a battle? Can’t he just do what I’ve asked of him like a child is supposed to do? When faced with the unique challenge of raising a strong-willed child, you may find yourself wondering what on earth you can even say to your child to help achieve your goal of improving that behavior, without turning the conversation into a seemingly never ending battle of wills, with no real solution in sight. And that’s the last thing you want right now with all of these judgemental onlookers watching your every move. You were hoping to get through this simple errand without any misbehavior from your strong-willed child, but - as usual - here you are again, in a public situation with a child who isn’t quite meeting your expectations for public behavior.įrom your experience, every time you try to correct your child’s behavior, it turns into an epic power struggle and you tend to find yourself on the losing end most of the time.
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